All the time...

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys
that finish last, that never become more than
friends, that endure hours of whining and
bitching about what assholes guys are, while
disproving the very point. This is dedicated to
those guys who always provide a shoulder to
lean on but restrain themselves to tentative
hugs, those guys who hold open doors and
give reassuring pats on the back and sit
patiently outside the changing room at
department stores. This is in honor of the guys
that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female
friends are at the appropriate moment,
because they know most girls need that litany
of support. This is in honor of the guys with
open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with
honest concern. This is in honor of the guys
who respect a girls every facet, from her
privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk,
bewildered female friends back from parties
and never take advantage once theyre at her
door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars
as buffers against the rest of the creepy male
population, for the guys who know a girl is
fishing for compliments but give them out
anyway, for the guys who always play by the
rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters,
for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend
material but somehow dont end up being
boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are
overlooked, underestimated, and
unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are
manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned,
this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent
messages on your cell phone, and when you
called her back, she spent three hours
painstakingly dissecting two sentences her
boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even
though you thought her boyfriend was a chump
and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok
and she shouldnt worry about it. This is for that
time she interrupted the best killing spree youd
ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a
rumor that romantically linked her and the guy
she thinks is the most repulsive person in the
world. And even though you thought it was
immature and you had nothing against the guy,
you paused the game for two hours and helped
her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around
the floor. This is also for that time she didnt
have a date, so after numerous vows that there
was nothing serious between the two of you,
she dragged you to a party where you knew
nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted
shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of
reckless teasing by announcing to
everyone: oh, but were just friends! And
even though you were invited purely as a
symbolic warm body for her ego, you went
anyways. Because youre nice like that.

The nice guys dont often get credit where
credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the
nice guys dont seem to get laid as often as
they should. And I wish I could logically explain
this trend, but I cant. From what I have
observed on campus and what I have learned
from talking to friends at other schools and in
the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is
that many girls are just illogical, manipulative
bitches. Many of them claim they just want to
date a nice guy, but when presented with such
a specimen, they say irrational, confusing
things such as oh, hes too nice to date or he
would be a good boyfriend but hes not for me
or he already puts up with so much from me, I
couldnt possibly ask him out! or the most
frustrating of all: no, it would ruin our
friendship. Yet, they continue to lament the
lack of datable men in the world, and they
expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to
sympathize and apologize for the men that are
jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my
ability to fathom. I cant figure out why the
connection breaks down between what they
say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (Im
going to sleep with this complete ass now!).
But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-
finishes-last phenomenon doesnt last forever.
There are definitely many girls who grow out of
that train of thought and realize they should be
dating the nice guys, not taking them for
granted. The tricky part is finding those girls,
and even trickier, finding the ones that are
single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a
toast to all the nice guys. You know who you
are, and I know youre sick of hearing yourself
described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of
the matter is, the world needs your patience in
the department store, your holding open of
doors, your party escorting services, your
propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile.
For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you
tolerate, for all the situations where you are the
faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my
acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to
you. You do have credibility in this society, and
your well deserved vindication is coming.

-Taken from the bulletin board on friendster from aimar
*nobody understands*