Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

I wanted today to be special… not wake up at 7 but at 6.30… not get everythin done by 7.30 but by 7… leave my place n catch number 14 at 7.40… noooo… today is special… by 7.10 I’ll be at the bus-stop… not gonna be the 10 mins late like all the other days anymore and on-time jon will be born… well I did exactly juz tat… got on the bus… well… it’s gonna be a long ride anyway… might as well take a nap… rested my head against the window n dozed off… owing to my exceptional body clock… i nv miss my stop no matter how I tired I am… even if I miss dhoby ghaut… I’ve still got somerset n orchard to get to novena which is where I work… was a real peaceful ride for me… ahhh… haven’t felt like this in a long time… before I knew it… I opened my squinty eyes to an unfamiliar sight… where am i? doesn’t look like somerset… not orchard… heck… it dun even look like tiong bahru which 14 passes by… hey wait… i remember this place… Holland village is juz…… OH SHIT! Wat time is it?! F**K!!!!! It’s already 9.15… DAMN MY BODY CLOCK! Dun panic… gotta find an mrt station fast! Singapore poly? Dover mrt shud be near... raced out of the bus to the train platform like the unnatural sprinter tat i am… already panicky on the train… DAMMIT! It’s already 10… I’m gonna get screwed man… ran from novena all the way to the twin towers… but tat wasn’t the end of the trouble… only realized tat the guardhouse tat I left my security pass at home… well done jon… u really want to go detention barrack rite… shite! Called my colleague to sign me in wif a visitor pass… by the time I got to office it was already 10.30 and tats already 2 hrs from the time I’m supposed to report for work… AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON TIME DAMMIT! Ahhh… why bother…
*nobody understands*

Words of wisdom…

1. If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?

2. Whoever thought that you could look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

3. If you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler

4. If a Mr. Crunch joined the Navy and got promoted to captain, would he be Captain Crunch?

5. Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

6. If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
*nobody understands*