It's coming...

The Internal Revenue Service sent an auditor to a synagogue.
As the auditor reviews all the paperwork, he turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes, we do," responded the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" He asked.
"A good question," noted the rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer.
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the rabbi calmly. "We actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer; and every now and then they send us a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how he could fluster the rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he continued, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste." The rabbi answered. What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue Service."
"Internal Revenue?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue. And about once a year, they send us a Little Prick like you."
*nobody understands*

It’s still my mum’s birthday week so I’m gonna wish her again… HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! U dun look a day older than 30… I say 30 coz tat number’s more realistic than 20 alrite! thanx for everything… u’ve been a great mother to me…
*nobody understands*

My sister’s back! But it’s only temporary lahz… she’ll juz be back for abt 2 weeks then it’s off to Manchester again… wahhh… u really know how to time ur return to Singapore rite… but aiyah… if I were u… I’d prob do the same thing… hahaz…
*nobody understands*

Office politics is getting worse… dread coming in these days… not tat I din expect it… I juz din wanna be a part of it… Behind all those smiling faces… they’re actually sharpening their knives… turn around… watch u fall…
*nobody understands*

Managed to catch football hooligans recently. The show mainly focused on the gangs (or as they call it “firms”) around football grounds in the country… but the only time I abt saw a football was ard the beginning of the movie and it only like lasted 2 minutes? Yup… well… apparently… all of them like abt dress the same… a jacket… preferably paul smith or adidas… if not then at least an umbro… then its jeans… either dark or faded blue… and of course… white shoes… definitely from umbro… a football hooligan’s life then starts with beer… more beer… then off the match… fighting… done fighting… back to the pub… beer… and more beer… it was quite interesting to see Elijah Wood fighting coz he was the hobbit in Lord of the Rings… he dun look fierce though… unlike the other guy… Pete Dunham was his name in the movie… my goodness… got one scene where he juz came out of the shower… wah seh… out from nowhere… his body damn sculpted sia… but of course… he fighter mahz… anywayz… to be honest… I rather enjoyed the movie… juz like wat my colleague said… this was a dick flick… and I honestly do believe this movie isn’t fictitious at all… this sort of thing does happen in the England… actually not only England… Italy… Spain… the rest of Europe for tat matter… dun tell me u haven’t seen the reports… during the world cup or euro championships… English hooligans are always in the news… to think abt it… it’s quite scary…
*nobody understands*

Chi new yr can’t come soon enough…
Gong Xi Fa Cai…
*nobody understands*

Kids are getting smarter these days...

A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to he principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1 student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to Primary 3." The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two ?"
Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer....)
Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I??
Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I?? (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)
Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I??
Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver." What am I??
Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put this ass in Primary 6 ! I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself."
*nobody understands*

Lucky Lucky...

lucky lucky you're so lucky,
lucky lucky you're so lucky,
lucky lucky you're so lucky,
lucky lucky you're so lucky,
lucky lucky you're so lucky,
lucky lucky you're so lucky,
yeah.....
*nobody understands*

Going for a franz ferdinand party at this pub near little india organized by power 98 tomolo… my fren won this contest organized by the station n he cud take one fren along… he asked me along n I couldn’t turn it down… quite excited actually as I’ve nv been to these sort of things b4… it’ll most likely be something like the shaggy party which my dear blogmate went to the last time… hopefully it’ll be fun… aiyah… free why not? Then after tat it’ll be my long overdue sheesha session with terisa whom I’m back with for those of u who dun know… then it’s the career fair back at TP on Saturday… interesting… haven’t stepped back into tat scool for ages… miss tat place…
*nobody understands*

My morning was quite interesting to be honest… my colleague sought my help with work which his exec gave him to do… Gary, my colleague, then came over to my desk and asked if I was free to help him with his work… I had nothing to do so I said why not since we usually help each other out… he then asked me to go to this woman’s blog… of all pple… it had to be u in the news again… u juz can’t keep away from the press can u… and he asked if I knew the web address… I sure did… unfortunately I did were the right words to be used actually… anywayz… we had to find out wat she wrote on her blog and then present the relevant info to our exec… i talked with my exec n asked her why bother? this type of attention seeker need to bother abt mehz? she say no choice and she has to handle the issue... she herself thinks it's utter rubbish but can't don't do it... and she also doesn't know how this person thinks and doesn't like her very much... i couldn't agree more... hahaz... soon my other colleagues got involved and b4 i knew it they were bitching abt her while we were all in the pantry... i juz kept quiet... sat back... ate my cup noodles n juz took it all in... tat really made my day... hahaz...
*nobody understands*

Oasis concert is juz slightly over a month away! Arghs… wanna go but i’m juz an NSmen! And NSmen earn NS pay! Dammit… it’s times like these tat I wish I had savings… and not had done all those wasteful stupid immature things in the past… oh man… now I’m paying the price… and it’s not the Oasis price… my mum’s birthday also coming up… wah seh… bloody fantastic if u ask me… lucky lucky… u’re so lucky…
*nobody understands*

One sad man...

Last week was my 50th birthday and I didn't feel very well when I woke up
that morning. i sat there at breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and
say, "happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me. As it turned
out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My
kids came into breakfast and didn't say a word so when I left for the
office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary jane said, "Good morning, boss,
happy birthday!"

It felt good that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You
know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday,
let's go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.

Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two
martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful
day... we don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. what do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you
don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right
back."

"OK," I replied, somewhat nervously.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of
my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".


and I just sat there...


on the couch...


naked.

*nobody understands*

Limp

So find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files
You must follow, leave this academic factory
You will find me in the matinee
The dark of the matinee
It's better in the matinee
The dark of the matinee is mine
Yes it's mine
(Franz Ferdinand – The Dark of the Matinee)
*nobody understands*

Received some good news while I was chatting with my colleagues… will share more when I get more details… it’s quite exciting to be honest… woohoo… u probably have no idea wat the hell I’m talking abt… but u’ll know soon!
*nobody understands*

Today is unofficially missing file day in the office… din come to work yesterday coz of my leg… which by the way is still the same… anywayz… point is… got back to work… registry e-mailed me inquiring abt a lot of files marked to my boss… apparently I was supposed to send a file movement slip to registry everytime I dispatch files from my boss… how was I to know? My senior nv told me this… and the files aren’t with me anymore… so after a little discussion with the registry officer… everything was somewat settled… and outcome is… I have more work to do now… tomorrow is unofficially finding files day…
*nobody understands*

My sis is coming back soon! In less than 3 weeks I suppose… wow… been a long time since I last saw her… it’ll be really good to see u again sis… then like tat can share the nagging at home… hahaz… but in any case… it’ll be better with u ard… see ya soon…
*nobody understands*

Man City lost again… haiz… disappointing…
*nobody understands*

Nice girls like nice guys...
Nice things happen to nice people...
Nice guys finish last...

Happy 2006 to all!

I'm not trying to pull you
Even though i would like to
I think you are really fit
You're fit But my gosh dont you know it
*nobody understands*

Waited a bloody 3 hrs at TTSH juz to get painkillers… visiting government hospitals is really a bloody waste of time… but no choice… I needed the painkillers… I was already walking funny since yesterday… did some jogging n sprints yesterday since I was free and then my right calf felt tight after a short nap yesterday n it only got worse this morning.… I was literally limping the whole day… went to the hospital during my lunch break and doctor diagnosed it as a pulled calf muscle… he advised me not to jog or sprint for at least a week… wow… tat shouldn’t be too difficult now… where’s my walking stick?
*nobody understands*

Monday has already gone but I still feel the blues…
*nobody understands*

Nothing much to blog today…
Just wanna wish all my frenz a happy new yr… may 2006 be a blessed yr for u… ;>