The Way It Is Now

No. of candlelight dinners with my lesbian partner - 0
No. of vacations - 0
No. of shopping sprees - 0
No. of manicure sessions - 0
No. of bitching conversations - 0
No. of nights spent at Kew Walk - 0
No. of clubbing nights - 0
No. of soccer nights - 0
No. of supper nights - 0
No. of beach outings - 0
No. of flowers and gifts - 0
No. of times Liverpool won the Gunners - 1

Morning Blues

You should be still on your bed, just waiting for that ray of sun to hit your face and your mum's nagging to get you outta bed. Work? What work? The feeling's just different ain't it? Smile to a cheery Monday morning...that's all you can do now. You don't needa drag that pair of chained feet that weighs a thousand tons to the bathroom, you don't needa sit on the bowl and doze while you tell yourself:"JUST five more minutes please...Zzzz", you don't needa draw the shower screen, you don't needa blindly turn the tap towards the right and have to scream "F***!", you don't needa choose between the checked or the plain shirts, you don't needa even look at that Swatch clockface, you don't needa sling that bag, you don't needa plug that earphone into your ears, you don't needa take those huge steps to the station, you don't needa see that same crowd at the platform, you don't needa tap your feet while you look at that LCD screen that says 1 min, you don't needa run for that skytrain, you don't needa creep into an office that is so quiet you thought you just entered a shrine, you don't needa shuffle yourself between the two terminals, you don't needa enter that comfortable sky-loungue for that afternoon nap, you don't needa chit-chat with those supervisors who smoke their life away and don't give too shits about you while you try very hard not to choke yourself with all that second-hand smoke, you don't needa rush for that 1130pm ending BK breakfast no more, you don't needa take that ride down to town from the terminal, you don't needa worry...cos you're Free.

Perfect Day

There she stumbles
Falling to her knees
I think she tripped on reality

I have witnessed
Tragic comedies
That's the world in which she leads

Well I would walk a million miles
To give her all that she needs
But she would walk a million more
To do what she believes

She'll have a perfect day
- Collective Soul - Perfect Day

Just ended being stage ursher for The Senior Citizens Awards. Was damn pissed with the client. Why, cos she was so naggy!!! Ha, well I'm nice and I shan't be petty...but she's so arrrggghhhhh! Anyway, the winner - the Ah-Ma was really beaming with joy that night (i wonder if she knew what award she was taking). If you read the papers, you might have chanced upon her report. Just received news that tutorial grouping for Consultancy proj was out...oh my god, everyone's snatching for everyone, it's a real unsystematic way of doing things, having to choose your groupmates while they're at the other end of the island...TP...Well off to meet my ex-schoolmate later, girlfriend problems...haiz...Women.

enter the depression era...

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life
( Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life )
*nobody understands*

My time at the airport is coming to an end... i'll have mixed emotions abt leaving this place... i wish tat the relationship between my supervisor and me cud have been better but well... it's too late for tat now anyway... wat we have in the office really is strictly employer-employee status... only juz yesterday i wuz a mere metre away from him... i had entered the office while he had juz exited from a room... he glanced over to see who had entered the office... a simple hello or good morning wud have been nice... even a why u everytime late wud have been comforting... but he juz turned ard n walked towards his cubicle... i really felt like crap... and to later on in the day learn tat already my colleagues at T2 have received their check in the mail and tat the new interns in my department have gotten theirs too... it even got me more demoralised... something's really wrong... i gotta gif him the appraisal form later... only he knows wat grade he'll gif me... i dun have high hopes for tat... but a simple pass is juz all i ask for...
*nobody understands*

Grace returned from KL yesterday... her short stint at bakerzin KL had ended and a few of us ( phyllis, serena, yen, peizhen, jons ) were in singapore to receive her back... even though she had a long trip back and she obviously must have been tired... she wuz nice enuff to keep her energy levels up for supper wif us at hougang... more convenient for her as she cud put her stuff back at home... looks like she had tons of fun... new shoes... new jeans... rebonded hair... the pay there wuz not bad either... apparently much more than she'd receive here in singapore... well... guess coz it wuz for 2 weeks only... we ate at this famous punggol nasi lemak place at hougang... the queue nv seemed to shorten and i asked peizhen how come... wuz it coz it wuz cheap? oh no no no... its very expensive... but its very nice... hahaz... everything here nice according to her... i'll take her word for it... she's eaten here much more than me... we sat ard the table talkin thru the nite till we lost track of time... my goodness... 3am already? time really flies doesn't it... peizhen wuz nice enuff to send a few of us back coz it'll surely cost a bomb to take a cab back... thanx again peizhen...
*nobody understands*

quite excited to be goin bintan soon... already last nite the few of us were talkin abt it and i wuz really into it... i juz need a break... from bakerz... from airport... from shit... juz a break... charge the batteries n come back the duracell bunny... school will be startin soon after i get back... haiz... will be weird goin back to scool... studyin has nv been my forte... but this will be the final stretch b4 i graduate... gotta do well this time... can't always be deferring my army rite? i'd need to adapt again... it'll be hard... dun know whether i'll still have the strength to get thru... i always feel like i'm breaking apart... i might juz snap at any moment... diploma in tourism management... is tat wat i'm cut out for? a dying trade u might say... oh pls tell me otherwise... will it be different this new term? let's find out...
*nobody understands*

caught the new blink 182 video on mtv recently... will sample their single the next time... after their last song I Miss You i haven't heard any single from them so it wuz great to hear from them again... a great song wif a power music video i must say... the music video wuz rather cool n i'd recommend u to catch it on mtv whenever u have the chance... its receivin quite a bit of airplay now...
*nobody understands*

woke up to find a cockroach layin dead beside me... how well can my life be getting now...
*nobody understands*

All the time...

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys
that finish last, that never become more than
friends, that endure hours of whining and
bitching about what assholes guys are, while
disproving the very point. This is dedicated to
those guys who always provide a shoulder to
lean on but restrain themselves to tentative
hugs, those guys who hold open doors and
give reassuring pats on the back and sit
patiently outside the changing room at
department stores. This is in honor of the guys
that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female
friends are at the appropriate moment,
because they know most girls need that litany
of support. This is in honor of the guys with
open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with
honest concern. This is in honor of the guys
who respect a girls every facet, from her
privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk,
bewildered female friends back from parties
and never take advantage once theyre at her
door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars
as buffers against the rest of the creepy male
population, for the guys who know a girl is
fishing for compliments but give them out
anyway, for the guys who always play by the
rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters,
for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend
material but somehow dont end up being
boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are
overlooked, underestimated, and
unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are
manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned,
this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent
messages on your cell phone, and when you
called her back, she spent three hours
painstakingly dissecting two sentences her
boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even
though you thought her boyfriend was a chump
and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok
and she shouldnt worry about it. This is for that
time she interrupted the best killing spree youd
ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a
rumor that romantically linked her and the guy
she thinks is the most repulsive person in the
world. And even though you thought it was
immature and you had nothing against the guy,
you paused the game for two hours and helped
her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around
the floor. This is also for that time she didnt
have a date, so after numerous vows that there
was nothing serious between the two of you,
she dragged you to a party where you knew
nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted
shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of
reckless teasing by announcing to
everyone: oh, but were just friends! And
even though you were invited purely as a
symbolic warm body for her ego, you went
anyways. Because youre nice like that.

The nice guys dont often get credit where
credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the
nice guys dont seem to get laid as often as
they should. And I wish I could logically explain
this trend, but I cant. From what I have
observed on campus and what I have learned
from talking to friends at other schools and in
the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is
that many girls are just illogical, manipulative
bitches. Many of them claim they just want to
date a nice guy, but when presented with such
a specimen, they say irrational, confusing
things such as oh, hes too nice to date or he
would be a good boyfriend but hes not for me
or he already puts up with so much from me, I
couldnt possibly ask him out! or the most
frustrating of all: no, it would ruin our
friendship. Yet, they continue to lament the
lack of datable men in the world, and they
expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to
sympathize and apologize for the men that are
jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my
ability to fathom. I cant figure out why the
connection breaks down between what they
say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (Im
going to sleep with this complete ass now!).
But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-
finishes-last phenomenon doesnt last forever.
There are definitely many girls who grow out of
that train of thought and realize they should be
dating the nice guys, not taking them for
granted. The tricky part is finding those girls,
and even trickier, finding the ones that are
single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a
toast to all the nice guys. You know who you
are, and I know youre sick of hearing yourself
described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of
the matter is, the world needs your patience in
the department store, your holding open of
doors, your party escorting services, your
propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile.
For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you
tolerate, for all the situations where you are the
faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my
acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to
you. You do have credibility in this society, and
your well deserved vindication is coming.

-Taken from the bulletin board on friendster from aimar
*nobody understands*

Pretentiousness

Claiming or demanding a position distinction or merit, especially when unjustified.
Making or marked by an extravagant outward show; ostentatious.
The smile a child exemplifies upon the simple pleasures of life - that ain't pretence.
The gladness upon welcoming a loved one at the arrival hall - that ain't pretence.
The love a mother has for her child - that ain't pretence.
The amplified 'wah laos' you hear from Pabulum when the ball hits the goal post - that ain't pretence.
The look on one's face attributed by the sudden appearance of a missed one - that ain't pretence.
The butterflies in your stomach - that ain't pretence.
The warmth despite the cold winter when an old beggar gets his cup of hot coffee - that ain't pretence.
The tears of joy - that ain't pretence.
The sweaty palms when you held her hand for the first time - that ain't pretence.
The blush upon your cheeks when you handed her a rose - that ain't pretence.
The fear of losing someone - that ain't pretence.
The thought of 'what is she doing now?' - that ain't pretence.
The first kiss - that ain't pretence.
The peek from the corner of your eye to see if she's still around - that ain't pretence.
The joy with your best brothers - that ain't pretence.
The great company at sesha - that ain't pretence.
The first smoke in weeks - that ain't pretence.
The laughter at the movies - that ain't pretence.
The endless thread of chuckles while watching FRIENDS - that ain't pretence.
The cold perspiration when you're afraid - that ain't pretence.
The adrenaline when you're watching a match like Man U Arsenal - that ain't pretence.
The belief that Van Nistelrooy will score from 20 yards - that ain't pretence.
The way you miss her company when she's busy at work - that ain't pretence.
The minute you break into a smile when you read her messages - that ain't pretence.
The nerve-wrecking anticipation, the irregular rate your heart beats, the wild thoughts, the drenched tissue filled with perspiration, the way your world is spinning, the flowers, the perfect moment, the cheers from your best pals, all these for her answer to your question - that ain't pretence, that's love.

Before Sunset

Finally done with my two-day event at Ngee Ann City Civic Plaza last weekend, in case you didn't know, it was called the Singapore Learning Festival. Once again, I was helping out in Bel's department - Festival Square Circle on this project and it was rrrreeeaaallllyyyy boring...well what can you expect from this festival eh? I was stage hand (imagine my fear of the aunties and uncles the last time) and the programs lined up were talks after talks after talks...*yawnz* Now I finally understand how it feels like to be in Bel's position...and how Orchard Road looks like when it's past 1am on a weekday night. My colleagues and I stayed for set-up for PM Lee was the guest-of-honour for the kick-off of this Learning Fest on Friday afternoon. You will be surprised what goes on when all the lights are out. Orchard Road was simply amazing - no streetbuskers, no bustling of the daily crowd and music was playing from the shopping centres...Cool. I've fallen in love with this kinda peace and serenity.
Adrian Pang (he was hired as host for the launch on Friday by the way) freakin' screwed up on the launch. Instead of addressing the arrival of "Prime Minister" Lee, he announced "President" !!! Shocked faces? You bet!
Although the crowd wasn't as KS as those from the past Toa Payoh event, I saw the SAME PEOPLE again!!! Do they have a syndicate or something? They are like ghosts - they never give up! Simply going to every event just to get freebies! Oh my god...it's damn embarrassing can...Singaporeans...what are they thinking?
I had all kinds of speakers - from lectures from polytechnics to professional players in the various industries. But one was worth mentioning - he was Christopher Tan - currently lecturing in Republic Polytechnic. A pretty young chap, not bad looking BUT he really had a bad dress sense - his top-to-toe - his everything was mismatched and who wears a jacket in an outdoor event like this?! OMG...The best part was when he finished his 30min talk in 15min and after that, he went downstage to hand the audience rubber bands. For what? A MAGIC TRICK OF COURSE! I give up... Republic Poly...now we know...
Dear Jo, sorry for neglecting you the past week, was really busy at work...let's do dinner sometime and we'll talk about things yeah...
Signing off - MAN U...WHAT HAPPENED?

Cannot load the song again?!

Sucker love is heaven sent
You pucker up, our passion's spent
My hearts a tart, your body's rent
My body's broken, yours is spent
Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed
Cuz there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
( Placebo - Every You, Every Me )
*nobody understands*

oops... sorry abt the spelling mistake...
anywayz... things have been quite bz at the airport these past few dayz... time's tight and stuff aplenty... had to do some observations which involved the transportation ard the airport... sometimes the hrs cud get real irregular wif the interns stayin at the airport till 11 in the evening or be at the airport as early as 6 in the morning... this wuz coz we cud only conduct our observations during the "peak" periods which meant durin the times when there were a heavy demand of flights... well... this project is kinda supposed to me the new interns work... but i'm juz helpin out... seein how i've given up on this trolley contract which i've been doin since my time here... supposed to gif abbas an appraisal form for him to grade my performance too... although i know i'd have to gif it to him b4 i leave... i'm juz rather hesistant to print it out for him... i dun know... maybe itz coz i'm juz afraid i'd get a bad review... my gut feelin is tat i'll get a bad 1 anyway... we dun seem to talk much... hardly talk at all actually... and i have a feelin i'm not exactly a hardworker in his eyes... well... its too late for this now... 15 more days to go... and i'm off...
*nobody understands*

wednesday wuz meant to be a special evening... serena phyllis jons were supposed to be havin dinner wif derek n claire... wow... derek n claire? too good to be true... been a long time since they last even graced a public event wif us... hahaz... but as usual... derek forgot abt the event and had to work on wed evening... oh well... wats new rite... gone are the days when derek n claire wud join us for supper or even go out wif us... now its different... derek's a changed man... for the better i guess... in any case... the 4 of us still met up anyway and we went to curry favour for a nice meal cooked by nicole's husband himself who's a chef there... jon n i were feelin kinda full b4 we even got there coz we kinda had something to eat at bakerzin millenia walk already... we initially tot florence wuz still workin there so tats y we made the trip down n wanted to say hello... as it turned out... bonnie wuz the one there... no worries... we said hello and slacked till the gals came... as expected... the food wuz good... but none of us cud finish dinner... at the end of the meal we were all juz too full... the portions were way too big for us... maybe if jon n i din have tat otah at bakerz we cud have finished up the curry... after tat... we took a slow stroll to cafe iguana to finish up the evening wif some banter and a couple of drinks... jon decided we shud make this a fortnightly event... hey... why not? i'm game for it... are u?
*nobody understands*

Brother mike's last day wuz on thursday... brother mike... u're absolutely our best newbie... we'll all miss u... come back soon... study hard for ur exams...
*nobody understands*

jon serena n i met up again on thursday evening for some dinner... pretty much nothing to do as we had some time to kill 1st as anthony's birthday celebration at the KTV wuz later on in the evening... went down to the heeren to do a bit of window shopping... had a bit of an eye-opener when we caught view of a lady over there... my goodness... if u had seen wat we saw... ur eyes wud have opened wide too... but tats not the point... we saw a couple of shoes over at this shoe shop which looked rather nice... serena had wanted a pair of shoes for herself and asked us for some opinions... i picked up a pair of pumas for her tat i tot looked great... 89 bucks too... wuz quite a steal i tot... but she din like it... pity... u wud have looked fantastic in them... she kinda had her mind set on a pair of nike air rifts from far east plaza which jon had recommended to her the other time... alrite then... let's make our way there then... had a walk ard level 1 and came to a place where marlene wud shop for stuff... as jon described it... AHHH! SO CHEE CHEE!... din expect our manager to shop at a place like this... we learn new things everyday eh? serena bought a pair of jeans which were at a gd price... once a woman gets into the shopping mood there's no stopping her... and true enuff... she bought the pair of nike air rifts at 139 over at leftfoot... the place where jon had bought his vans sk8... n then... she entered another shop n bought this rather feminine top which we all tot looked rather good... wow... proud of u serena... u know how to buy feminine stuff... hahaz... juz kidding... yen joined us for dinner at HANS... walked over to paragon to fetch florence... and then back over to atrium and then to the KTV for the celebration... quite a happy day for serena as she bought a few things... but i haven't bought anything for quite some time already... dun really have the money to shop yet... but dun worry... next payday... i'll be back wif a vengence...
*nobody understands*

Don't just learn the tricks of the trade. Learn the trade.

MAN UTD MAN CITY - KICKOFF 12:05am, November 8
Don't #@%$ it up this time!

Hiahz, dear fellow colleague Lydia told me to update my blog, so gal, this is for you...
A tribute to the many memorable people in our Diakonos days:
1. Jim Cranfield - Moscow Circus - Dopey Seniore
PAAAYYYYYY UPPPPPPP!Haha! The event was over ions ago!
2. Jason Souter - The Trocks - The Silent Fax Receiver
No call, no email, you better not do this again for Sleeping Beauty.
3. Tony - The Trocks - Steph's sexy Artistic Director
Gotta admit it, he IS really charming...
4. Chase - The Trocks - Sexuality Mixup
Come on Lyd, all's fair in love and war, let's fight it out for this one.
5. Belinda Sunshine - Radio DJ - Ms. I'll Be There
She is the most sporting radio dj I know, she never fails to turn up for every press launch.
6. Lisa - Mamma Mia! designer - Ms. Please Clear Your Inbox
Stress, pressure, how could she take it all in?
7. Eileen - Sleeping Beauty On Ice - Ms. Old Virgin
Lyd, good luck.
8. Haniz - StageDoor - Mr. Where's My Menu
He practically HATES us! How to face him? Just PR our way through lohz...
9. Celia - Fuji Ice Palace - Ms. I'm Still A Kid At Heart
"So exciting! Let's try to work out a promo now."
10. Terry Ong - IS Magazine - Mr. Long Nails Are Sexy
Still could remember how we scrutinized that photo of him taken during the press junket of The Trocks...Eeeeee!!!

So much flak in my hair

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know
( Keane - Bedshaped )
*nobody understands*

had some time to kill b4 movie time... went shopping wif serena n jon... walked ard far east to check the stuff out and see if i cud get anything... been a long time since i last got into the shopping mood but nothing juz nothing caught my eye... either watever i picked up wuz juz way too expensive to my liking or tat they were juz plain ugly... jon managed to buy another pair of shoes for himself from leftfoot... a vans sk8 if i'm not wrong... looked quite alrite i guess... he liked the shoe a lot but it wasn't the kind of shoe tat i'd fancy... in any case... juz feel tat everything in this shop is overpriced... all the "juz came in yesterday" and the "this is limited edition stock" jibberish din work on me... as we walked ard somemore we came to the "juice mag featured photo alley" which is the lane which mostly gets people photographed and featured in juice magazine for their clothes n style... rite...... entered one of the stores n juz casually took a look at a tee... design's not bad... shud be from hongkong... how much is it? WAH! a hundred bucks for this tee? ok...... definately out of my range... had dinner b4 catching shark tale in the evening wif serena jem n lim... it wuz quite a funny show but it din really turn out to be a real "non-stop" laughter kind of show like harold & kumar wuz... hahaz... those kind of shows juz crack me up... shark tale wuz a heart-warming show nonetheless and wuz not bad to watch... after the movie we ended the evening wif a round of billiards b4 heading home... how time flies when u're havin fun...
*nobody understands*

"Coz i'm leaving on a jet-plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go"
and tats how it wuz on monday morning... juz tat grace left us for KL bakerzin in a coach actually... anywayz... she went there to work coz betty needs her for a short period of time over there... why her? coz the rest either studying n can't leave or juz some not willing to go... it's supposed to be one week for her... but... will it really be one week? not 2 weeks? not a month? how abt a yr? haiz... dun know when she'll be back again... she's always a breath of fresh air at bakerz... well... come back safe yeah... i know u hate to go... but the ticket already bought lahz...
*nobody understands*

heard tat phyllis is down wif heat rash... oh my... dun exactly know wat tat is but can roughly guess... well... best thing is to stay at home and recuperate then... take care of urself... get well and see u soon...
*nobody understands*

terisa's first day for work at her full-time job is today... after so long finally found a good job... not too bad after all... hahaz... something u're new at but i'm sure u'll adapt to it fast... hope u do well at it and learn lots of stuff yeah... meet up for dinner soon or look me up whenever u're in the area... u know where i'm at...
*nobody understands*

stayed in the office yesterday till 10.30... first time in my career tat i actually stayed at the airport office till so late... but its coz i came to work at 1... the new interns and i wud hafta to do some stuff which we cud only do at nite tats y we'd be stayin late... otherwise it wuz quite a slow moving day at the airport... haiz... seeing all these tourists juz makes me wanna get out of this country... for a short time tat is... need a break... away from everything... clear me head... charge my batteries... come back a repaired man... can't wait for my attachment to end... juz another 18 more days... and then... haiz... back to scool again... and still be at bakerzin after so long... exciting ain't it?
*nobody understands*

It's 11pm...

AND I'M STILL IN THE OFFICE! Haha! This is perhaps the latest in my history with Diakonos that I've actually stayed till! And i'm still surviving...Got borrowed to help out with a 2005 event, a woman's gota do what she's gota do. *yawnz*
- MAN U!!!WHAT HAPPENED???%#@!&*$#!-